Learn how to unlearn

It was so funny these past few days, all I really wanted, was having a peaceful time with myself, enjoying the nature around me  and not talking to much. Not even interacting with people that much.  Just taking care of my body, exercising few hours a day, leading a healthy diet, reading a lot and cleansing my body through the meditation. Everything is just so new to me. I was never like that. It feels like I was never really me. Instead of being peaceful I was always rushing upon  new adventures, never let any event happening without me. It’s good to be adventurous, but not in the moments when you need peace, patience and security. How much approval I  needed. How much I wanted to be accepted and loved. Loved for the wrong reasons. My Ego standing in between the true love and me. Trying to shut down the emotions with constantly doing things that occupied my mind. Never really payed any attention to what I really felt inside me. Never gave myself a chance to be hurt and disappointed, because I always ran away from it.

I think about Carlos from Puerto Rico, everyday, many times a day. I kind of feel like he was my yogi. He thought me so much in just a few days. He provoked me and my mind with numerous questions that I didn’t understand at that time and couldn’t answer them. After my time in Puerto Rico, I traveled to Atlanta, US to have this seminar about discovering yourself. It was one of the best things I’ve done for myself and the knowledge I gain, will last forever. Even after few weeks I’m still discovering things about myself and parts in me that I’m not authentic with. And I’ll probably will discover them through all my life. It’s so much fun. The things I never knew before, have become so clear to me. “Now you know! The question is what are you going to do with it now?” ended the self discovery seminar.

I got the answer to the Carloses questions. I never knew what he meant when he said to me: “Maja, you have to learn how to unlearn” “What the hell does that mean!?!” I remember asking myself while sitting alone, observing the waves at the Ocean Beach in San Juan. I asked him again next day what he meant with this words. The funny thing about spiritual teachers is, they will never give you the answer! You’ll have to figure it out on your own. And after you do, you’d feel enlightened.

“Learn how to unlearn” bothered me every single day! I think I found the answer. To learn how to unlearn, in other words, simply means letting go of your ego. Way back in the time, you learned that being hurt is someone else’s fault and that you're not good enough. You've learned how not to trust people in order them not to hurt, reject or leave you. And you were living your life with these exact thoughts in your subconscious mind. Therefore you created that Ego of yours – “I’m strong persona, nobody can’t hurt me, nobody will tell me I’m not good enough.” But that was just a mask with which we all present ourselves to the world. That’s not really you. Your real self is afraid of being hurt, of being disappointed, rejected, being afraid to trust people. But you consciously don’t know that. You think you are your Ego, which is so deep in your unconscious you don’t even realise it. To unlearn means, letting go of your Ego and becoming your true self. To unlearn that being hurt, rejected doesn’t really mean anything. It’s OK to be hurt. It doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough or that you’re don’t deserve things. It simply means someone hurt you or left you, period! It doesn’t mean a thing! 

I’m really not quite there yet, but I’m getting a glimpse of the life that’s way beyond the life I was living till now. So when you learn how to unlearn it frees your mind and spirit. It allows you to live each day as you want it. To be everyday what you want it to be. It allows you to show your feelings in a healthy way and it establish beautiful harmony between you and the rest of the world. You start to love each and everyone, because you're not afraid of being hurt or rejected anymore, you trust the people around you. It allows you to face your true fears and transform them into Great love. It allows you to finally breath and you feel incredibly light after you let go of everything that wasn’t you. You don’t have to pretend anymore and use all of your energy to be your Ego. You can be you. And every day you can be whatever you want to be. 

Today? I’m going to be adventurous and hyper after all of this days of being calm and patient.

Tomorrow? Who knows? It’s not here yet. Tomorrow is still in the future. And the future is not here yet. What is here is today. And it should be lived now.

Understanding your Greatness and celebrating!

While in Munoz, I’m visiting local kids in one of the two Bates here. Bate is a Haitian refugee. Haiti and Dominican republic form an island of Hispaniola, and Haiti is known for its extreme poverty and is basically the poorest country on the western hemisphere. The earthquake in 2010 and all the other disasters that followed, brought many Haitians to their neighbouring country. They live in small communities in villages around the Dominican republic. The campsite where I’m staying offers some volunteering with local kids, but all the organisation is basically in your own hands. You prepare your own program and you do whatever you feel like. You can teach English, do some arts and crafts or just be there, as they really enjoy foreign’s company and attention. The community center for volunteers is a small little shack in Bate and it rains a lot, so my options are limited. But I do everyday something different and just try to bring the most to the kids, with my unconditional love and experiences I got through the years.

I had lots of jobs  where I worked with kids and in each country I spent some time with the local kids as well. But kids here are somehow different. They come from a really poor country, I know that. They were born into families who struggled every day through life, and they still are. Those kids had to learn how to survive at their early age. Every time I bring something for arts and crafts they rush upon stuff I brought, before I even try to split in between them. They beg every day to give them something. Even something that they don’t really need. They have lots of food, because DR is self sufficient and they have place over their head as well. So they have basics for survival.

They just want something. Something materialistic. Maybe because they think then will matter more in the eyes of others. It’s completely the same as in the western world. We think material makes us better and bigger. Those kids think the same. In Dominican republic the racism is a big thing between black people. The lighter you are the more you value. Haitians are completely black. They probably feel like being at the bottom and crave even more for the acceptance. Is that why they yearn for material things? They just want to be accepted?  Accepted in other people’s eyes, accepted into the world we live in. Don’t we all? We just want to be good enough. We all want to fit in. To be accepted. To be loved. And to even deserve love. That’s the problem in the world today. We all want love, but we think we don’t deserve it, because we think we’re not good enough. We feel others are better than us. Do you ever feel like that? I certainly did, I still do sometimes.

But in the end, we are who we are. When you accept yourself as you are, when you become sincere to yourself and others, and you show to the world who you truly are, then you are good enough.  Just as you are. You don’t need to be rich, You don’t need to have influential parents. You don’t have to have 45045 FB friends. You don’t have to own a car. You don’t need to be on the upper position at your job. You don’t need to wear fancy cloths. You don’t need to be strong and fearless. You DON"T NEED to be all this things to be good enough! You just need to be you! And the right people will love you and stand by your side and support you with your crazy ideas and they won’t judge your actions. They will be there because of YOU only. So if you want acceptance of other people, shouldn’t you accept yourself first? Are you good enough for yourself?  Do you love yourself? Do you even like yourself?

Then how you expect people to accept you, like you and love you, if you can’t?

A quote from one of my idols, who just blew me away with her words and being HERSELF is Lisa Nichols, motivator and powerful coach of living the Great life:

“Now I know, until I fall in love with me, when I’m madly in love with me, not in a braggadocios way, but I fully love me, then I’m the example, I’m the first example of how the world is supposed to love me. And I have to give them the best example ever! I can’t expect people treating me better then I treat myself, it’s unrealistic and it’s unfair. But we do it all the time. We expect someone to show us our greatness, when I’m supposed to show understanding my greatness and allow YOU to celebrate it with me!”

Mayita

Calm and patient

Munoz, small local village in the north of Dominican republic. I wake up in the tropical morning, with crickets chirping and roosters singing their morning balade (if I nicely describe their annoying screaming starting at 5am!) I look outside and observe a beautiful palm tree which grows on the shoreline of the small river passing below my shack. I hear Bobby (one of numerous dogs here) waking up as well, after he slept in my kitchen and has guarded me all night. I slowly stretch every inch of my body and don't really feel like getting up, it feels so comfortable in my half broken bed. I count my brand new mosquito bites and slowly put feet by feet on a cold concrete ground. The room is modest and basic, but it feels so mine. 

I start with my morning ritual - coffee and Internet surfing. But my coffee here, with a splash of coconut milk, tastes like heaven. Breakfast consists of the local fruits or muesli. My invention of "Breakfast made in paradise" leaves me full but light and keeps my body in balance. Banana, papaya, pineapple and raisins covered with coconut cream. After the breakfast I go and do some activities, maybe exploring the nearby towns and villages, walking along the empty white sand beaches, hiking in stunning tropical nature, or for example today, horseback riding and visiting the state fair. 

After the day of adventure I return back to our campsite and make myself something to eat, something delicious, light and authentic. Have to wake up my light head with strong coffee or two. I slowly start ending my day with yoga and light meditation when the sun goes down, so my mind calms down before my evening ritual. Mint tea in my hand, my body is completely relaxed and my mind open and ready to share (writing) or receive (reading). Snacking on tamarind fruit which looks horrible and it is quite complicated to eat. It's sticky and dark brown color, but its sweet and sour taste opens my senses even more. A decent amount of antioxidants and vitamins before my bed time! 

Ha, the most interesting part of the day? My shower time. If I actually do have the water to shower (don't even think that is anything but cold), then probably the light would go off and I'd have to shower in the dark. Which is ok, at least I don't see the unknown animals, who are sharing the shower with me. Flying frogs over my head are just one thing that raises my heart beat in a second, so I don't feel that cold anymore.

So practically it's fun and adventurous being here, as my life has been last years. But these past few days all I want to be is calm and patient. No more obsessive planning and 24/7 action. Just peaceful mind. To dedicate all my spare time to my true self. To go beyond when exploring my soul and mind.  Having no expectations of myself, others and future. What ever will happen will happen. It doesn't matter. All it maters is this moment. And all the fear disappears. It can hardly get much more peaceful than this. 

Mayita

Looking at the same moon

It's like every other first day, when I arrive to a new country. Loneliness striking straight to the bones. Feeling alone more than ever. I'm in completely new world and my friends and family are everywhere but here. Looking for security in people who pass by, but the fear is arising and trying to conquer every inch of my body. Yup, that's me. Scared an insecure every time I put my feet on the unknown ground. 

It's not really the fear that something will happen to me. It's the fear of unknown and fear of being left alone on my trip. But gradually I find security in people I say hi to, in sincere smiles and shy looks that we exchange. You never feel completely safe, the fear is never absent. But you face it. Every single day of your trip. And that's what makes you strong and powerful. The feeling of coming out of your comfort zone once again and the feeling of controlling your emotions and fears. 

Then I look around. What is there to be afraid of? I'm just as everyone else here. Race doesn't matter. Money and status don't matter. Religion doesn't matter. We're all one. We're all the same. We're simply all being human, trying to survive in this wild crazy world. The guys who are trying to sell me paintings. Pretty Latina making me smoothie. Old lady sitting on a pavement. Homeless man begging for money. Adorable baby girl smiling at me. Exhausted dog lying on the street. The tourists sipping wine. And me, walking the streets of Santo Domingo and observing these human beings. We're ALL THE SAME. We are all ONE. Living the same life. In the same Universe. Looking at the same moon every night. Struggling sometimes. Being hurt and left behind. Falling deeply in love. Trying to make a living. Trying to find a meaning. Trying to survive. So what is then to be afraid of, if we're all made of the same dough? No one is better  and no one is worse. We're all the same. We are all one.

Mayita

PRESENT.

My life. My crazy life. Showing my strong, fearless, independent, adaptable persona to everyone I meet and to people back home! Going from place to place, country to country, city to city! Finding work when I need money. Travelling 3^rd world countries, when I need pure travel. Visiting my friends around the world, when I start to miss them. Then it ‘s time to visit my family back home! Then to find work again! After work I really want to go for some real travel again! But I miss my friends around the world, so I would go visit them! I need money again! Find a job somewhere on this planet! But then, it’s time to visit my family again! I want to go surfing! No, I rather would go to do massage course somewhere! Or even better, go hiking somewhere!  Actually some volunteering would be great! But what I really want is just pure travelling somewhere! Have to visit family again! Oh-oh, no money, need to find work! Skype sessions, emailing, keeping in touch with people around the world, writing, photographing, planning, booking! Banking! Health!....!....!......!!!!!

 STOOOOOP!! It’s enough, god damn it! Cut it OFF!

All I actually really need is this magical moment, sitting on comfortable chair on the terrace of the cute coffee shop in Marietta, Georgia. By the river, autumn starting to show its beauty, with this guy I just met. Sharing a comfortable conversation with David and having peaceful mind. And enjoying the moment. With no past, and no future. Just being there and being. That’s all I need. No more chaos, no planning, no worrying, no living in the future and dwelling on the past. Just being there, sipping coffee, watching leaves falling off the trees, listening the water flowing and talking about life. Not knowing what the future will bring. Letting go the past. And being real, authentic, sincere. Bring ME to the conversation. With all my fears, without my mask. And I was. I actually WAS. It was the greatest day of my life. I lived it. I lived every single moment. I TASTED the coffee. I LISTENED to the nature. I LAUGHED. I was THERE. Real ME. Present. With no past. With no future. That’s all I NEED. To be.

Mayita

Be. You.

Just a thought of the day I think I need to share! 

You don't inspire people by living your dream life or going after your dreams. Well in some way you do. But you truly inspire people by being who you are, being real, being YOU. You inspire them when you admit to yourself the struggles and doubts you are dealing with. When you admit, it is OK that you get stuck from time to time in life. When you admit, you don't have any idea, what you are doing with your life. And you inspire them when you admit that you are lost, feel lonely or need change in your life. 

Because many people can not do that. They can't face their reality, they are not sincere to themselves. But when YOU are, you inspire people. Because it takes a lot of guts, to admit that you are the point of your life, you really don't know what to do. And it's OK. Because when you say it out loud, than you go in action and change things that need to be changed and you get unstuck and get back on the track.

What I'm trying to say, don't try so much to inspire people with what you are doing but rather with what you are feeling and by just being YOU:))