Learn how to unlearn

It was so funny these past few days, all I really wanted, was having a peaceful time with myself, enjoying the nature around me  and not talking to much. Not even interacting with people that much.  Just taking care of my body, exercising few hours a day, leading a healthy diet, reading a lot and cleansing my body through the meditation. Everything is just so new to me. I was never like that. It feels like I was never really me. Instead of being peaceful I was always rushing upon  new adventures, never let any event happening without me. It’s good to be adventurous, but not in the moments when you need peace, patience and security. How much approval I  needed. How much I wanted to be accepted and loved. Loved for the wrong reasons. My Ego standing in between the true love and me. Trying to shut down the emotions with constantly doing things that occupied my mind. Never really payed any attention to what I really felt inside me. Never gave myself a chance to be hurt and disappointed, because I always ran away from it.

I think about Carlos from Puerto Rico, everyday, many times a day. I kind of feel like he was my yogi. He thought me so much in just a few days. He provoked me and my mind with numerous questions that I didn’t understand at that time and couldn’t answer them. After my time in Puerto Rico, I traveled to Atlanta, US to have this seminar about discovering yourself. It was one of the best things I’ve done for myself and the knowledge I gain, will last forever. Even after few weeks I’m still discovering things about myself and parts in me that I’m not authentic with. And I’ll probably will discover them through all my life. It’s so much fun. The things I never knew before, have become so clear to me. “Now you know! The question is what are you going to do with it now?” ended the self discovery seminar.

I got the answer to the Carloses questions. I never knew what he meant when he said to me: “Maja, you have to learn how to unlearn” “What the hell does that mean!?!” I remember asking myself while sitting alone, observing the waves at the Ocean Beach in San Juan. I asked him again next day what he meant with this words. The funny thing about spiritual teachers is, they will never give you the answer! You’ll have to figure it out on your own. And after you do, you’d feel enlightened.

“Learn how to unlearn” bothered me every single day! I think I found the answer. To learn how to unlearn, in other words, simply means letting go of your ego. Way back in the time, you learned that being hurt is someone else’s fault and that you're not good enough. You've learned how not to trust people in order them not to hurt, reject or leave you. And you were living your life with these exact thoughts in your subconscious mind. Therefore you created that Ego of yours – “I’m strong persona, nobody can’t hurt me, nobody will tell me I’m not good enough.” But that was just a mask with which we all present ourselves to the world. That’s not really you. Your real self is afraid of being hurt, of being disappointed, rejected, being afraid to trust people. But you consciously don’t know that. You think you are your Ego, which is so deep in your unconscious you don’t even realise it. To unlearn means, letting go of your Ego and becoming your true self. To unlearn that being hurt, rejected doesn’t really mean anything. It’s OK to be hurt. It doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough or that you’re don’t deserve things. It simply means someone hurt you or left you, period! It doesn’t mean a thing! 

I’m really not quite there yet, but I’m getting a glimpse of the life that’s way beyond the life I was living till now. So when you learn how to unlearn it frees your mind and spirit. It allows you to live each day as you want it. To be everyday what you want it to be. It allows you to show your feelings in a healthy way and it establish beautiful harmony between you and the rest of the world. You start to love each and everyone, because you're not afraid of being hurt or rejected anymore, you trust the people around you. It allows you to face your true fears and transform them into Great love. It allows you to finally breath and you feel incredibly light after you let go of everything that wasn’t you. You don’t have to pretend anymore and use all of your energy to be your Ego. You can be you. And every day you can be whatever you want to be. 

Today? I’m going to be adventurous and hyper after all of this days of being calm and patient.

Tomorrow? Who knows? It’s not here yet. Tomorrow is still in the future. And the future is not here yet. What is here is today. And it should be lived now.